Monthly Archives: June 2014

Guild Wars 2: THE BATA BOMB

Und zitternd komme ich gerade von einer orgiastischen, exorbitant zelebrierten
und fast nicht zu beschreibenden Begegebenheit des morgendlichen Kodash TS, im
Ewigen Channel. Ich bin erschöpft, total am Boden, alle Kräfte entzogen, absolut
leer gesaugt an Sangeskraft, an Gelächter-Power! Und alles fing an mit Hila von
Löwensteins
Music Bot …

DJ Uno wollte dem wehren, er wollte uns alle bewahren, aber es war zu spät.
DJ Hila zeigte all seine grausame Macht und führte uns das musikalische Register
der Grenzdebilität gnadenlos vor Augen! Deutsche Schlager, manchmal techno-remixed,
Helene Fischer und andere Mutanten des greulichen Dunkels. Aber was geschah? Wie
änderte es uns, wie morphte es uns in sangesmächtige Barden, die nicht anders
konnten, als mit dem Kopf zu wackeln, sogar laut im TS mitzusingen, ohne ALK-
Einfluß, völlig nüchtern, aber infiziert, befallen, vom Virus der deutschen
Schlager-Launigkeit!

Wehrlos stand Uno Johansson da: kicherndes brüllendes ausuferndes Lachen war
überall, Onixino wollte dem Einhalt gebieten, wollte Malcovar vor dem Zwerchfell-
Tod retten, dem finalen Spaß-Asthma des Todes, doch wir, Hila und Malco,
todesmutige Schlagerinterpreten des Irrsinns, trotzten der Gefahr und gröhlten,
sangen, lachten, was das Zeug hielt. Und wir drohten dem Uno mit dem finalen
Gewaltschlag, dem extremen Ohrtod der Ewigkeit:

THE BATA BOMB! (which will Illic you in da face!)

Nichts konnte uns aufhalten, wir waren so überbordend am Leben, der TS gehörte uns,
wir waren die Herren der Ewigkeit und führten sogar eine junge Kodaschlerin mit
uns, auf daß sie ebenso mitsang, wie wir es taten. Ein grausiges Fest der
grenzdebilen Fröhlichkeit, wir liebten uns alle, wir waren das neue Woodstock
von Kodash, der ewige Love-In, niemals endend, bis zur totalen Erschöpfung
aller Gehirnwindungen!

Und wenn der Exzeß Methode wird, Hila von Löwenstein seinen gefürchteten Schlager-Music-
Nachtraid macht, dann werdet ihr alle wissen, wie es ist, sich zu fürchten, zu zittern
und dann doch dem Sirenenklang nachzugeben, mit den Köpfen zu wackeln und laut
mitzuträllern, alle alten und neuen Schlager, mit Texten, die eure Gehirnwindungen
matschig machen, aber das ist egal, das ist nicht wichtig, denn wir liegen uns dann
alle ausnahmslos in den Armen und feiern den GLÜCKSELIGKEITS-SCHOCK, der durch unsere
Adern rinnt. Wehr dich nicht, sei dabei! (and you wanna hear Malcovar sing, trust me,
its so godamn awful!)

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Greatest Power?

the key to salvation might be to extend a hand to others,
to rescue stranded souls, to mend and heal festering wounds.

the war against evil might not be won on the battlefield,
brutality, force, and power corrupt the truest soul.

some of us might think they are great knights, and champions of good,
born to fight demons, cleansers of corruption in the land.

but their true call could be to heal, not to fight, and that
might be even more powerful, for it lets us shine ourselves.

glory, renown, a name of power, greatness, a light in darkness.
that is to be won in battle. it has its place, but it can fade.

to drag a soul out of the abyss, to help a life’s fire to rekindle,
this could very well last forever, a treasure so insubstantial.

and in the end, it could be, that evil in your own heart, hatred
and anger, evaporates by assisting others, for good always birthes good.

humble you shall be, of your imperfection you shall know, and of
your limits, we are all mortal and flawed. some might fall back into nothingness.

but every soul you help to save, will shine a thousand times. and hope
might not be lost, even in the deepest bowels of hell. have faith.

The Order of Things

it will be always the same. first, they send messages to your
government, requesting formal first contact. non-threatening,
even polite. they even take the trouble to authenticate their
claims. a little technological secret as a present. trivial in
their mind, highly prized by you, primitives!

then, a meeting. all leaders in one place. clever plot to
assassinate all of you? come on. that only works in cheap
movies. they’ll meet you, and they’ll talk. they only send
a living machine to do it. all the authority they will need.
from a small ship it emerges, a colossal machine form, very
alien, and perhaps intimidating? that’s nothing fancy. wait
until you see their fleet. they like understatement in first
contact scenarios. translation of your words, and theirs.
its going to be perfectly understandable what they want.

matter of fact like monotone robotic voice tells you to
become part of their alliance. which, of course, is not a
wish for an alliance but a command for surrender. they will tell
all of you the exact way how your world will be restructured.
how your political, social, military society has to change,
to evolve. the order of things. they wont mention what they
do if you reject. they even give you time to think. and a
transmission beacon to contact them.

i’ll do you a favor. the truth is easily told: it happened
to my world, too. first, your governments decide to be proud
and independent. then, they start to fight. of course, their
technology has no chance. your world lies in ruins. then,
they land, fortify their positions and begin to weed
out the weak, the criminal, the amoral. yes, they are very
strict in that kind of thinking. a fraction of your population,
genetically and mentally scanned and fit for their high standards,
they will survive. but only if they agree to build their new world,
not yours anymore. and that is all, basically. did i mention
that they have good intentions? that they believe they are
doing YOU a favor? when millions have died and you are one of
the lucky survivors, brainwashed into obedience, you might
think the same.